One truly prehensile penis would be such a boon to womankind I imagine people would literally be humping in the street.
I'd be afraid the ejaculatory force of 10 simultaneous eruptions might lead to a seizure.
Posted by jk at December 2, 2006 03:43 PM
I'd choose one penis that's really a finger. I could then wear loose fitting pants without needing a belt. Or perhaps amaze the gents in the public washroom with hands-free urinating from zip to zip.
Posted by Mike Cheung at December 2, 2006 03:44 PM
Oh, what hellish fates! If I had a finger for a penis I assume I'd die of some kind of kidney malfunction or testicle rupture within a few hours! Now assuming this “Penis Finger” did have the necessary plumbing to sustain life, the focus of the debate shifts to sex.
On the plus side, at least there would be SOME reaction when I drop my trousers; anything’s better than a predictable average-sized penis I guess, even a waffle-iron would be more intriguing. On the down side, all the woman I’ve ever been with fancied my penis over my fingers. Even if the Penis Finger was bigger than my other fingers, she could very well leave me for a man with large hands who would have not one, but 10 of my giant Finger Penises!
Now If I had penises for fingers, I would have 11 penises. Eleven penises would require quite a bit of blood to become erect -several more quarts, even! Since my current physiology would be unable to hold such amounts, my Finger Penises are doomed to be permanently flaccid. I would have squat, limp, rigatoni fingers unable of grasping or holding.
However, if my body were capable of holding the required amount of blood necessary to sustain eleven simultaneous erections, masturbating would prove quite difficult. Grasping an erect penis with other erect penises would not only be damned near impossible, but also gross. The near sight of such a penis orgy would immediately turn them all flaccid (while not good sexually, such an effect could be marketed as a remedy to Medusa’s stoney gaze). Plus, even if you could climax … what a mess!
The only LOGICAL solution would be if somehow only one penis could become erect at a time. I would have Swiss Army Penis Hands! Not unlike your song suggests, I’d have a different penis size for every mood and occasion. If she wants something gentle, make a selection from my right hand. If she wants it rough and uncoordinated, might I suggest the left thumb? But these new and improved Finger Penises would inevitably make my penis penis feel lonely and unloved –like the first born after his mom gives birth to triplets.
All in all, I’d choose the waffle-iron. I like waffles more than I get ass.
Posted by Fresh Seany D at December 2, 2006 06:51 PM
With one finger penis, the mating ritual could be transformed. With the Alluring Trouser Beckon, the invitation to "Come over here" would take on a whole new meaning. It'd cut out all the uncertainty from flirting too. I mean, someone using his finger penis to invite you over is unlikely just to be wanting to know the time.
Posted by Camilla at December 3, 2006 12:24 AM