A Short List of Things I Hate

1) Authors who make constant use of words they don't understand, and the copy-editors who let them get away with it. (Nonplussed, for instance, is not a synonym for any of the following: calm, unsurprised, controlled, stoic, or unruffled.)

2) Easy-open resealable bags which are neither easy-open nor resealable. You know the ones: they're glued together at the top, then there's a tab you pull to get rid of the glued bit. Underneath that, there's a Ziploc strip, for resealing. First of all, "easy-open," my arse--I'd have less trouble getting my hand down the Queen's pants. There are two possible outcomes, when you pull that tab, and here they are:

a) The tab breaks immediately.

b) The tab pulls for about an inch, then breaks.

Either way, you end up hunting for the scissors. And then, once you're done with the contents of the bag, the Ziploc strip won't stick.

3) Curtains that are neither long enough nor opaque enough to keep the light out. I mean, I'm an understanding sort. I don't expect my curtains to moonlight as radiation blankets on their days off, but the least they could do is keep the 4 AM glow off the four noisy birds.

4) When I somehow overlook an entire bag of frozen food, and it sits on the floor for eight hours. Worse still, my conscience won't let me ring the store and pretend they forgot it. That's fifty bucks wasted, right there. Sod. I'm such an idiot. To make matters worse, my entire meal plan for the next two weeks hinged on that bag. What am I supposed to eat, now? Hamburger buns with lettuce and condiments? Pork dumplings without the pork? Even if I re-order tomorrow, it'll be Thursday before I get my food, and--and--I'm such a fucking twit!

5) Salt-and-vinegar-flavoured foods that scrape the surface off your tongue.

6) Having to eat #5 for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, thanks to #4.

7) Tiny halogen bulbs that have no edge bits to hold them by, but break when exposed to finger-oil. They should at least come with rubber gloves.

8) Lists that contain less than eight items.