Bloof, Skeek, and the Brunnen-F

Bloof

I have no idea where I heard this one: I'm so goth I've progressed beyond merely "aloof", and gone all the way to "bloof".

I pronounce this exactly as it looks--bloof--the sound of a heavy book plopping onto a beanbag chair, although it's probably supposed to be bee-loof. I say it all the damn time, and collapse in gales of hysterical laughter when confronted with the inevitable blank stares:

"Man, Stella's been so bloof today. She won't come near me, even when tempted with food."

"What the fuck?"

"Ha, ha, ha! Bloof! Bloof! Bloof! Ha! Haaaaaaaaa!"

"Die."

"Haaaaaaa!"

I Am the Last of the Brunnen-F

You've got to be a Lexx fan to understand this one. In order to appreciate its consummate style and wit, you've got to be, well, me. I have watched the original series so many times I know exactly when anyone's going to say (or sing) "Brunnen-G". I use this knowledge for great evil: every time someone utters the unfortunate word, I screech "Brunnen-F" right over them and irritate the fuck out of everyone else in the room. Even Stella finds this annoying, and she's a rat.

For the benefit of the humourless, "Brunnen-F" is funny because

a) it's supposed to be "Brunnen-G"
b) it has the letter "F" in it, and, thanks to the F-word, "f" is always funny, fucknuts.
c) Ha, ha, ha--Brunnen-F! Ha, ha, ha!

Brain: But you cannot remember it, as you do not remember who you are.

Kai: I am Kai, last of the--

Me: BRUNNEN-F!

Other Folks: Augh!

Skeek!

Recently, I set my e-mail program to play a soundbite of Stella eeking whenever I get a new message. This confuses the hell out of the poor creature. She always believes another rat has arrived, and noses about for it in ever-increasing puzzlement.

What's This?

I mean, come on! That, now, is the height of comedy. A dead one of these! Ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Haaaaaaaa! If you want to get a bit scandalous, you can also put one hand on top of the other, waggle them about a little, and say it's two of these having sex. Or you can get your foot out, and say it's a deformed one. Or--or--well, the possibilities are endless. And hilarious. Really.

And on that note...

...I really must get back to work.