Der Vogelfanger Bin Ich, Ja!

This was supposed to be a mean poem against Virge, champion of dirty packbawkies everywhere. Unfortunately, it didn't go quite according to plan. It is now either an incomplete compendium of Australian birds or a paean to Virge. Sheesh! This is why I usually stick to prose!

Chowchilla and galah and crimson rosella
And budgie and wren and emu
Kingfisher, king parrot, and king-size corella
And olive-backed oriole too
From the wee boobook owl to the great guinea fowl
No bird is considered too queer
For the man with the scowl and the quivering jowl
And the twittery-bird-listening ear!

Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Gathering up every burdie he can
Vurge the Burd-Burd Man!

With the crows at his feet, he sits on the street
Tossing out bread for their greed.
The brolga and goose tend to play it quite loose
Scoffing down seed after seed.
The black duck's got gloss, but the plumed egret's boss
At the top of the pecking pile he.
E'en the shy albatross ventures in from across
The waves of the wide Coral Sea.

Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Gathering up every burdie he can
Vurge the Burd-Burd Man!

The pallid cuckoo sits in Vurge's lap too
And sings him a mournful song
He seeks to outdo the bushstone curlew
And the finch from the gay billabong.
The grassbird pecks his ear, and brings him such cheer
That he cries to the cloudless blue sky:
"As long as you're here, O burdies most dear
A happy old Burdman am I!"

Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Gathering up every burdie he can
Vurge the Burd-Burd Man!

With the gannet and gull, who are ugly and dull
The Burdman is gentle and kind
He strokes, in a lull, the frogmouth's flat skull
Though its croaking unsettles his mind.
But old Vurge never eats of the fluttering treats
That flock to him every day.
But, instead, fills their beaks with delicious sweetmeats
And watches them all fly away.

Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Vurge, Vurge, Vurge the Burdman!
Gathering up every burdie he can
Vurge the Burd-Burd Man!

In spite of the apparently celebratory tone of the above miserable doggerel, my official position on birds is still, you know, "Birds suck! Rah, rah, rah!"--all that sort of thing.