Lazy Saturday Departmental Reports

Ah, lovely Vancouver. The city water's back on, the cold snap's over, and we believe the sun's in the sky. One can't see it, what with all the clouds, but there's a certain radiance filtering through. Warmth, even. And, for the first time since the middle of October, the streets are merely damp. Nonetheless, some barmy old git is trundling down Burrard with his brolly up. You'd think the conspicuous lack of gutterpuddles would clue him in. Ey! Down with the bumbershoot, Baldy! It's like they say in the Bible: "Dig a hole, and thou shalt surely fall into it. Break down a wall, and a snake shall surely bite thee. And cover thy head on a sunny Saturday, and thou shalt attract the attention of a thunder-god, thereby ruining everyone's afternoon*."

I was out, earlier, getting my fill of the crisp winter weather. (Crisp, in this case, being a relative term. By most objective standards, today would be deemed rather soggy. There's melting snow on the pavement, and a fog over False Creek. The sewers are steaming again, filling the gutters with an indescribable** aroma.) At any rate, I went out the Burrard Street entrance, hoping to stop by the pet shop for some birdseed. There wasn't a break in the traffic, though. I couldn't get across the road. Thus thwarted, I looped round the block, heading counterclockwise, and re-entered the building through the back. It was a very exciting adventure. After all, I hadn't ventured beyond the courtyard since it started raining. (That'd be, what, early October?)

The telephone was ringing when I came in, but I didn't get over in time to pick it up. It was probably a telemarketer. I've been getting a lot of those, lately. Last Thursday, I had the same one three times in an hour. He was from Telus. He wanted to apply something called a "bundle" to my Internet services. I let him do it, in the end. I figured he'd stop ringing, then, but on Monday, he was back, wanting to bundle my long-distance.

"Somebody should make spellcheck manditory on that site."

--Unknown LiveJournal user

One can only presume it's a typo....

* I made that last bit up. (Well, hello, Captain Obvious.)

** Dead leaves; coffee grounds; rat turds; wet dogs; old, dried-up lima beans. Lemon juice. Foot ointment. Burnt paper.