Month of the Toad

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF NASAL OBSERVATION

It smells good outside, today. It smells like leaves, cold water, warm tarmac, and gasoline. The sun is out, but a cool breeze is blowing. It's a perfect day for outdoor swimming. You'd get a bit of a shock, jumping in, but then the chill would wear off, and you'd be away. It's best when the water's a bit nippy, and you can feel the cold trying to settle in your bones.

The sea smells good, too. It smells of dried seaweed, corruption, and brine. It smells like dead things and living things mixed together. It's a layered smell, with lots of hidden ingredients. There's bird-lime in there (like dust and fish-oil), and wet feathers (oddly spicy). There's rotting wood, hot grass, and spoiled shellfish. You don't notice all that, when you live on its doorstep. You only miss it when you move away. Every time I pass a fish market, I think of Prestwick.

In here, it smells like chlorine. It's my shirt. My shirt is all bleachy. I must've put too much in the laundry. I'll have to do all my whites again. I can't go around smelling, all week.

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF GROANWORTHY SHAKESPEARE JOKES

I ne'er did blot a bloomin' line, and still
Iamb, iamb, iamb, I amb not Will.

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF FAVOURITE WORDS: JUNE'S TOP TEN

10) cinder
9) tramp
8) rude
7) prong
6) shrew
5) bread
4) beak
3) bump
2) nose

--and this month's winner: toad.

This is a month of short words. I like short words, especially ones that end on a consonant sound. I like words that get right to the point. Toad is a great word. It sounds excellent, spoken aloud. I could say toad all day. If I was a scientist, I'd arrange to work with toads, just so I could write lots of papers about them. I'd never refer to them as Bufo-such-and-such. I'd always say the such-and-such toad. Cane toad. American toad. Toad-in-the-hole. Toad of Toad Hall. You little toad!

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF TOO MANY BOXES