Not Tonight--I've Got A Headache

My window collects fuck yous. It's become de rigeur, it seems, to stand under there and curse. This is best accomplished late at night, when both the oddity and the loutishness of the act are amplified tenfold.

FUCK YOU, GORDON

First, there was the "Fuck You, Gordon" lady. She stood under my window last year, and swore in a strange tone of voice. Inscrutable, sort of thing. It was impossible to tell whether she was being playful or vindictive. Gordon's response might've dispelled the confusion, but all I heard was a murmur--sharp ostrich cheese, perhaps, or stop shouting, please. It started with an ess and ended with an -eese. It could even have been "Sit on these," accompanied by a double finger-flip. I'll never know.

FUCK YOU, WORLD

After the "Fuck You Gordon" lady came the "Fuck Youuuu" man. I think he was insane. He showed up late one night, screaming profanities at no-one in particular. When he didn't stop after several minutes, I screamed back. It went something like this:

"Fuck youuuuu!" (This is the insane man.)
"No, fuck you!" (This is me, leaning out the window in my dressing-gown. I imagine I looked rather barmy, myself.)
"Fuck YOUUUUUUU!"
"Fuck you harder!"
"FUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
"Fuck you till it bleeds!
"Fuck you! Fuck youuuuu!"

[--here, various sod offs and fuck yous have been excised, for brevity's sake. Brevity is, after all, the soul of wit. Hey, if brevity is the soul of wit, does that make "Asshole!" twice as witty as "Fuck you," seeing as it's half as many words?]

--Anyway:

"Up your arse with a broken glass!" (Me.)
"Fuck youuuuuuu!" (Insane man.)

Though I pelted him with a variety of insults and admonitions, the madman never said anything but fuck you. However, I ran out of crazy-juice first. I'm not sure who won.

FUCK YOU, CHRISTMAS

Tonight, just this minute, my window got its third fuck you. It was delivered by an unknown man, to an unnamed recipient. It was short, sweet, and followed by nothing but silence. It was quite unremarkable. I did not reply: my sister's asleep in the next room.

FUCK YOU?

I'm feeling rather cheerful, myself. No fuck yous from me.