I give the court Exhibit A,
A letter I received today
Postmarked "Hell", and then "Inverno"
(Although, I think she meant inferno).

"your a fucking rat!!!!, it said.
My who? My what? I scratched my head.
"you must," it went on--and I quote--
"be the most"--and then she wrote:

"stupid person on the net!!!!!"
(More so than the 133tsp3ak set?)
And then, forsooth, and furthermore
She told me what she'd written for.

She'd sent the note to let me know
That, as Italian music goes,
"C'è la luna" (spelled out wrong)
Really is a lovely song.

"go fuck your self u ugly rat!"
She carried on--and more like that:
"u wish u were" (u wish u might)
Be "half as good" (just half, tonight)!

"as any" dog? As any man?
Not quite--as any "italian!!!!"
"a dead italian", then, she said
"is better still than u" (in bed).

I swear to you, I could not tell
(Since she spoke neither very well)
If English was her mother tongue,
Italian, or some other one.

Although, the numbers would suggest--
By which, I mean IP address--
That this note, Exhibit A
Was posted from the USA.

And my response? "Try not to drool
Upon your keys--I see that school
And good sense, both, eluded you.
Now, try and listen closely, do!

I don't deny that once I said
That when a song gets in my head
It drives me bonkers, round the twist
(Or, as you'd say, it makes me pissed.)

I even used, as you'll recall
A few examples (ten, in all)
But, as any dolt could see
'Twas just a joke--J-O-K-E.

So, until you've learned to read
And learned to understand, indeed--
Till you've learned to write and spell
Take your threats and go to hell."