Workburn

Well, I've completely wasted my Saturday--spent most of it in that odd dozy state where you're too tired to get any meaningful work done, but much too wired to fall asleep. Insomnia in its most annoying form. I had Photoshop open, and I was working on and off on a commission I've been trying to get finished for weeks, now, but I couldn't seem to do anything right. It was incredibly annoying. I'm in that final stage where I've got to pull everything together--colour, lighting, form, detail--but I couldn't even seem to draw a straight line, much less fix on a decent palette. One of my biggest painting problems is with colour: I don't use enough. I was complaining about that earlier today (well, yesterday now, but I haven't slept....)

It was in an e-mail. I was complaining in an e-mail. About my skill with colour, or lack thereof. People say they like my colour schemes, but it annoys me that I couldn't use a brilliant, full-saturation spectrum even if I wanted to. I've tried many times, but I've never been satisfied with the results. I just don't like bright colours. Especially bright blues and greens. They hurt my eyes. I can't even look at them too long.

Anyway, I finally went to sleep late Saturday night, I think. I ate some crackers with Cheez Whiz and had some apple juice to drink, and that put me right out. Better than sleeping pills, these crackers. I don't know why, but when all else fails, eating crackers sometimes makes me sleepy. It was odd, though--I put on the television so I'd have something to listen to while I was drifting off to sleep. "The Legend of Bagger Vance" was just starting when I closed my eyes. I woke up briefly in the middle of the night, and it was on AGAIN. And when I finally got up properly at noon today--er, yesterday--Sunday--it was STILL on!

Well, I'm not much for golf, so I switched off the telly and came out to check my e-mail. I answered the more interesting messages which had accumulated while I slept, filled a couple of print orders from eBay, and got straight down to work on the greyscale painting I've been hacking away at these last few days. The lighting was getting my goat in a big way. I hadn't decided at the beginning whether to go for drama or realism, and halfway through, I ran into a conflict. I had half-arsed drama and virtually no realism. No no, bad bad. So I had to do a major revamp on just about everything in the picture, which killed a couple of hours. I was using the computer in my bedroom for this one as well, which didn't make things any easier. It's got a 17" monitor instead of a 21" one, and the computer itself is a laptop. The main problem, however, is that the monitor makes everything look very dark. Either that, or THIS monitor makes everything look light. I'm not sure which. But I always end up overcompensating for the difference, and ending up with very murky results.

Hardware problems aside, I'm pleased (and bloody relieved!) to report that things did come together, in the end. I'm rather proud--actually, VERY proud--of the composition in this one. I think it more than makes up for any little implausibilities in lighting. The overall effect works for me, and my boss was pretty pleased with it, too. I even managed to sneak in a tiny little rat. I've got to get straight onto the next one now, of course, but I think I've earned a couple of minutes' basking time. I did put in an awful lot of work.

Obligatory food report: I ordered from Milestone's last night. I had potatoes with feta cheese, spiced tomato pieces, and vinegar. I figured the bland potatoes would offset the tomatoes and prevent heartburn, but it didn't work. I still have heartburn, almost twelve hours after eating the potatoes! Bugger!

Other news? My apartment is very untidy. There is rubbish everywhere. Well, not RUBBISH rubbish--no rotten apples, or anything heinous like that. It's books, mostly. I've been getting lots of books these last few months, and since I've sold my bookshelves, they have all been accumulating on the floor. I often trip over them when I stumble around in a sleepy morning daze. There are also lots of plastic bags. I keep meaning to use those bags to throw away old papers and receipts in, but I never have time.

There's so much I have to do before I leave for Sweden. There's a hole in the wall I need to have plastered, and I've simply got to scrape the mildew off the shower ceiling. If only I could reach it! I would just get a cleaning lady in, but they always steal things. Even the carpet cleaner I had in a month ago nicked five dollars. It's ridiculous.

No, I'm sure there are some perfectly honest cleaning ladies floating about out there. In fact, the ones who steal are probably the exception, not the rule. However, my notorious ill luck would preclude my getting anything less than a kleptomaniac.

I think I might get my latest commission finished today, at long last. I have a good feeling about it. If I get it done, that'll be ALL my overdue commissions out of the way, which will be an enormous weight off my mind. I loathe missing deadlines, but it's that or fail at school. I did not pay thousands of dollars in tuition only to fail now, within an ace of getting my degree. One thing's for certain--pass or fail, I am moving to Sweden this Christmas. My health will not stand another six months of rainy, damp Vancouver. Things have been noticeably worse than usual since late September--if I lie down to sleep instead of sitting up, it takes me a couple of hours to catch my breath properly in the mornings, which can't possibly be a good sign. And my mother is worrying her head off, as always. I can't have that. I think I'll be fine once I get away from here. I'm run ragged with school and work, but a good long rest will have me back on my feet again in no time.

I am looking forward to Christmas very much. I can't wait to see everyone in Sweden again, and go walking downtown in the afternoon, when the sun has already gone down and the little fire-pots are burning in the streets outside the shops. I want to eat greasy kebabs with hot sauce at Queen Burger, heartburn be damned. I want some blackcurrant juice. They don't have blackcurrant juice in Canada, except for Ribena, and that stuff's too sugary for me. I don't enjoy it very much these days, although I loved it as a kid.

There I go talking about food again! Really, I do have a life outside of my dinner plate--I swear it!

Anyway, I have to get back to work now, right after I do one of my other favourite things: take a shower.