http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/ en-us 2007-05-26T20:12:03-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/this_site_doesnt_belong_to_mr_boose.html NB: This listing is false. The site in question is not mine. Please direct your complaints, queries, pleas, and accusations of fraud elsewhere. (Where? Mr. Boose cannot tell you. Mr. Boose does not know.) Ah, Internet of mystery, what have you done to me, this time? Nothing good can come of this.... The Internet Ratty 2007-05-26T20:12:03-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/the_death_of_mr_boose.html FOUR LINES FOR A WAGE-SLAVING FOOL No more, I'll gaze upon the towers Beyond the pane, across the way; Last week, I laboured eighty hours, For paltry gain--I've spent my pay! I think I'll save up for one last grand adventure. Heaven before I die, sort of thing. Only, instead of heaven, Tokyo. Or Firenze. Maybe even Hong Kong. I fancy a change of scene. It'll take me about a year to save enough money for my adventure, assuming nothing else breaks, and I don't buy any damn videogames. (Broken things, since January: one television, one PS2; also, a digital... Life in the Rat's Nest Ratty 2007-05-20T19:01:16-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/mr_boose_learns_restraint.html We had funny weather, today. The sky was blue round the edges, with a great cumulonimbus hat on top. It was like having a nice day and a rubbish one at the same time. Between the hours of two and three, some berk played Who Let the Dogs Out on his car stereo. He was parked right under my window, so I could hear every word. I thought about leaning out and shouting "I let the dogs out--wanna make something of it?" --but I didn't.... I'm a Hoser! Ratty 2007-04-22T20:17:45-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/two_cars_on_their_sides.html I think I'll start updating this thing again, seeing as I'm paying for it, and all. However, since brevity's the soul of wit, and since I've now got two jobs, my musings'll be significantly truncated. Two hundred words at a time, let's say. Maybe two-fifty if I'm feeling loquacious. Or (more likely), one hundred, if I'm not. My last entry was about a car on its side, so I'd like to resume with an account of another accident that took place under my window: Some months later, a second accident took place under my window. Bloody queer, that! (The soul... I'm a Hoser! Ratty 2007-04-18T22:57:02-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/saddam_saddam_car_on_its_side_saddam.html Something odd happened, yesterday evening. I was watching the news (Saddam, Saddam, President Ford, Saddam), and Clare was on the Internet, discussing politics. The city was winding down for the night. I could hear the following: * wind * rain * light traffic * Clare typing. It was a calm night, a peaceful night, everything ticking along as it ought. The birds had tucked their heads under their wings. The TV had stopped making that bloody whining noise it does. I was well on my way to sleep. Then, there came the most terrific banging from below, as if someone'd... The City (Vancouver) Ratty 2006-12-30T05:56:39-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/silent_night.html STRETCH-LIMERICK FOR A LAZY CHRISTMAS The party was merry and bright-- The whole bloomin' place was alight! Though, sorry to say I slumbered all day A-snoring (how boring!) When all was so gay-- The cake is all taken, The streamers away-- (In truth, I prefer "Silent Night.")... Odd Wee Snippets Ratty 2006-12-25T23:43:47-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/not_tonightive_got_a_headache.html My window collects fuck yous. It's become de rigeur, it seems, to stand under there and curse. This is best accomplished late at night, when both the oddity and the loutishness of the act are amplified tenfold. FUCK YOU, GORDON First, there was the "Fuck You, Gordon" lady. She stood under my window last year, and swore in a strange tone of voice. Inscrutable, sort of thing. It was impossible to tell whether she was being playful or vindictive. Gordon's response might've dispelled the confusion, but all I heard was a murmur--sharp ostrich cheese, perhaps, or stop shouting, please. It... The City (Vancouver) Ratty 2006-12-24T23:01:36-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/big_red_ghost.html I told you that corner was haunted....... Odd Wee Snippets Ratty 2006-12-23T17:44:12-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/limericks_for_a_shoeeating_goat.html LIMERICKS FOR A SHOE-EATING GOAT I'm not one to knock or pooh-pooh-- The farming life's perfect for you. I'm not one to doubt, But might I point out Your goat has just swallowed my shoe? The piglet is famed for his wallowing; The fatheaded sheep, for his following. But I think it's fair to Say none can compare to The goat's indiscriminate swallowing.... Silly Poetry Ratty 2006-12-22T19:01:28-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/a_pair_of_trousers.html Observed at a wake, some years ago: An impromptu Red Hat Society meeting has convened round the cheese platter. They're not so much eating cheese as punctuating with it. The ringleader, a long-nosed harridan with mail-order dentures, spears a hunk of Gouda: "Oh! And the Bottomleys' girl--did you see her?" "You mean, at the funeral?" A lesser crone (squat nose, genuine teeth) makes little circles with a square of Havarti. "Of course, at the funeral." The Wicked Witch of the West nips the cheese off her toothpick, and spears another morsel. "Her and that young man of hers. Wearing him... Odd Wee Snippets Ratty 2006-12-21T19:23:59-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/the_unfortunate_professor.html (The shrewd observer might note that this post has previously appeared on PhaWRONGula. What can I say? Us rats get overwhelmed with holiday preparations, too. Also, I have to do the dishes.) THE UNFORTUNATE PROFESSOR There once was a teacher, a scatty old creature, Whose spectacles lived on his head. From morning to night, he looked quite a fright, As if he'd just risen from bed. His trousers were tatty; his notebooks were ratty; His pens were all certain to leak. He bathed every Sunday, but most times, by Monday, He smelt like the end of the week. I've heard... Silly Poetry Ratty 2006-12-20T20:19:26-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/vile_bodies.html CREATURE REPORTS a) I think I'm emerging victorious in the battle of the flies. Last week, I was drowning fifty a day in my vinegar-pot. Today, there were only four. Good thing, too: I'm nearly out of vinegar. b) The garden-mice were back, this morning. I saw one sneaking along the wall when I first arrived, and another ran by later. That one had a twig in his mouth. Queer, that. Do mice build nests? c) A dead bird, which had been decaying near the Dumpsters since March, finished disintegrating today. The first time I saw that bird, it was... Creature Features Ratty 2006-12-19T19:01:51-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/noise_report.html NOISE It wasn't so quiet, this morning. The papers were gone from the road, but there was water in their place. I could hear cars hissing through it. I could hear them all the way from upstairs. A man crossed Burrard, shook the rain out of his hair, and mumbled "fuck, fuck, fuck." That, too, I heard from up here. Later on, I trundled round the block, whistling the theme from Super Mario Brothers. I whistled extra-loudly, but traffic had picked up by then. Probably, nobody heard. SIGNAL There were no mice in the garden, today. I didn't mind. It... Odd Wee Snippets Ratty 2006-12-18T09:14:05-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/in_which_im_peeved_because_nobody_said_hi.html 6:32 AM No balm have I, no pill or ointment, To palliate my disappointment! I've just come in from a wander round the block. Chilly morning, this--dark, to boot. In summer, the sun's up by this time, and the city's coming alive. Birds squawk. Dogs bark. Old ladies run old-lady errands. I greet the last, hide from the second, and check the first off my bird-list. I like city summers. The sun makes folks gregarious. Everyone says hi when it's sunny. No hi-saying went on today--I'll tell you that for nothing. I got most of the way from Burrard to... The City (Vancouver) Ratty 2006-12-17T07:48:41-08:00 http://www.rattysghost.com/deadrat/buriedrat/bitesized_smartassery.html TWO MICE The garden-mouse population has doubled since yesterday. As I ate my breakfast (apple slices, roasted almonds, walnuts), I noticed a pair of them playing in the ivy. They seemed to be having fun. Up and down the trellis they went, egging each other on to ever-greater feats of agility. Then, they had a little fight, and one ran away. The other followed, and it was just me and the grackles again. TWO NOTES Notes to self, found underneath the couch: a) Things you might find online: Internocchio: one who tells whoppers on the Internet. Usage: That Internocchio's about... Odd Wee Snippets Ratty 2006-12-16T18:36:49-08:00